A Mental Health Memory
A little bit about my connection between making music and mental health
So let’s go back a few years, 12 to be exact. The fine age of 13. I’m sure most of us either absolutely loved or hated that year. I was in 8th grade, which for me was a rollercoaster. Around that time I started to become more in touch with my mental health, and that manifested in both good and some bad ways. I’m going to be very honest with everyone here and say most of the time I try to keep this time of my life off my mind; I’ve let it go per say. However, I woke up this morning with one specific memory on my mind (and it makes sense with all the music related things I’ve been getting into during quarantine)....
Through the years music has most often been the way I express my feelings to others. I get this from my mom (love you DeDe) who, believe it or not, was on a music scholarship in college. Catching Mono forced her to drop out. Yea Mononucleosis was that bad not that long ago (guess who also got mono growing up :). Essentially, we share the same love for music. If you haven’t noticed, my expression of this love has been through playlists and sending friends tracks. Over the past few years, I’ve circled back to making playlists for those I love deeply. I’m finally even getting my feet wet into making my own. This is where my little story comes in. I can’t help but wonder... if not for this experience (I’m sure among others), would I have continued to work on music more seriously? The potential outcomes of that. comparative to the reality I lived at the time, blow my mind. I’m happy with where things have come to in my life regardless, but isn’t it fun to play the what if game? The fun’s in the infinite possibilities based all on real time decisions (crazy right!)
…...Okay so what 8th grade story am I gonna share? This will be quick, promise.
So this one time a young me decided to write a song for the girl I was dating at the time. I found some guitar samples in garage band, put a beat in and sang over it. I put it on a cd, and gave it to the girl. Looking back on it, the song could’ve been terrible but that’s not the point here. I’m proud of young me for following his passions and actually creating something from start to finish. Like really bro, in 8th grade you did this….why didn’t you continue on writing music and making songs? So I gave it to the girl right. I thought, “What could possibly go wrong here? What girl wouldn’t want a guy to write a song for them?Right?”
What followed after was not what 13 year old me could fathom at the time. Let’s have a moment here for how mean kids/teenagers are to each other (myself included in this). The girl not only made fun of me for it, breaking me down; she shared it with all of her friends of course. Needless to say it did not go over well at all. This led to a decent amount of bullying essentially by her and one other person (a dude of course). At the time, my brain was not mature enough to understand the simple concept that growing up isn’t always easy. Like I said, teenagers can be very mean to one another. It’s just how it is when we’re all growing up and figuring ourselves out.
So I’m on the cusp of 25 and I’ve since let this all go, but why is it on my mind randomly today?
With all the music mixing I’ve been doing, naturally my mind’s like:
What if the first time I wrote a song for someone went over well?
Who knows? Maybe I would’ve dove more seriously into music sooner, maybe not. Either way, I’m just happy to be able to do it with a mind that’s more in touch now. All I’m saying is, looking back, shits crazy man.
Listen to Basket Case by Green Day, it’ll all make sense.
Happy Easter everyone, spread some love
Thanks for listening,